Now Hiring..Personal Shopper, Cook, Housekeeper

Oh dear, oh my, oh me.  Apparently, finding your voice and  lighting the creative spark, is code for watching your physical life fall into shambles and being helpless to stop it. It started innocently enough a few days ago..groceries getting low..who cares..the kids are at camp this week (thank you Jesus)..we’ll survive.  Joe (hubby) and I both work full time outside the home , and divide labor naturally and easily..he does the hard stuff and I do the stuff where buttons are involved..washing machines, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners.. truthfully, he does the easy stuff too..but  I’m the brains of this operation, I know what we need at all times, know when and where people are suppose to be, school meetings, Dr’s appointments..that’s my story and I’m sticking to it…he may have a different interpretation..but he needs to get his own blog if he wants to debate. Anyway, two nights ago while I was having a diva-ish mental breakdown (I’m an artist now!) over computer issues in the middle of typing my blog, I looked over and saw Joe picking green mold out of an old hot dog roll (we had rolls?) and microwaving an even older hot dog (we had hot dogs?) and eating it with a look of horror on his face…I felt a slight pang of pity and an even slighter pang of guilt (I don’t do guilt…I am ending the generations of Italian martyrs in this family at me).  Turns out we still have to eat even when they’re are no kids in the house.  I remembered the early years of my parent’s empty nesting..popping over to visit and opening the fridge (your parent’s fridge seems to be always fair game no matter how long you’ve been gone) and being horrified..”MOM! Have you seen the date on this milk??”  “What the heck do you people eat around here??”    So, this week has been shades of the near future..two people eating mold and stirring sour milk into our coffee.  I should have time to address the lack of food, the Lab fur balls rolling by my feet like the open prairie, the laundry basket mountain..my kids aren’t here..I was so looking forward to this week of free time to get organized.  Then this happened.  This blog. After a year of wanting to write and not having the courage, now, suddenly I can’t shut the hell up. Stop encouraging me people, apparently I am very suggestible. The fridge is near empty..and save your lectures about the toxins you may spot in there..I have decided that virtually everything is killing us now, and I’m not going to live in fear when I just have to have that ice cold Diet Pepsi…mmmmm. The kids are returning tomorrow to return some sort of order to this home..yeah right..and I can’t wait to hear about their fun week at camp, a place where all electronics are banned. I may need to have my laptop taken away from me here and there as well.  .A thought that has me twitching, as I am sure the kids were at camp.  There is probably a detox area for kids whose hands have to be retrained to work without an XBOX controller in them.  So, if are all going to survive my creative spark ,I need to find some balance around here…time to go clean something…ewwwwww..is that a banana??Image

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14 thoughts on “Now Hiring..Personal Shopper, Cook, Housekeeper

  1. Ha! When my children moved out, I was amazed that food I had put in the refrigerator was still there the next day when I opened the door. Unfortunately, I now have way too many containers shoved in the back, filled some mysterious substance. Lesson learned: children are sometimes part of the household recycling process. (I miss them for other reasons, too!)

  2. OMG!! ROFL!… This is SOOOOO true. My kids are grown and out and my husband and I both work out of the house. I’m always finding things in the fridge that remind me of when I used to take care of my aging parents and be horrified by what I found in their fridge… My daughter regularly says, “this looks like Cee-Cee’s fridge”… (that’s not a compliment, BTW)… the other day I found a new (unopened) package of cracker in my pantry with an expiration date of ’07!!

  3. i can certainly relate!! in the end (i mean the very end!) i know i will be much happier that i did creative work that was joyful then housework that is no fun at all!! that’s my excuse anyways!

  4. Someone once told me i had an interesting refrigerator(contents).
    It’s true…and I still do. Sometimes even arrange flowers to put in there when i have some.More from necessity to keep my cat away from them!
    No one gets in there but me,so…it’s more about the state of my life,like what’s on the front of it as well.
    Sorry folks,no moldy stuff…they say american’s throw out 40% of their food a year(on average),and I have been working to eat everything,or freeze it,or keep it long enough to remind me NOT to get all the greens that i mostly really don’t eat that much of after all.though the last of the green stuff got eaten jst now and not pitched as per my usual.

  5. Tess, you are hysterical! I didn’t know you were a writer! It’s wonderful!!! I love it ~ I haven’t had such a good laugh as I just did reading about your refrigerator and Joe picking the mold off of the hot dog bun!

  6. On one of my daughter Janice’s visits from California, she too went through my refrigerator and cabinets and found a few things (maybe quite a bit more than a few) she thought needed to be thrown out! And my pasta noodles ~ do they actually expire? I thought they lasted forever! Watch out for old cans of expired food sitting way in the back beyond the light of day ~they will actually explode a black ugly mess! Now when I know my daughter is coming for a visit, I clean out my refrigerator!

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