Me, Myself and I

They’re gone. They’ve all left. I’m alone, so very, very alone….can I hear an “AMEN” my brothers and sisters? Alleluia, Alleluia. This little prelude to joy started four days ago when Joe nonchalantly dropped the “I’m thinking of taking the boys on a guys trip to the beach this weekend” bomb. My heart leaping from a chest, my trachea clogged, I played it cool, clearing my throat..”oh, really?, without me? I’m not invited?” .  He saw right through me,  grinning at this woman he has been married to for 24 years, together for 30 years, parenting with for nearly 15 years..and said “nope, just us men”.  I don’t know if I have ever loved him more than at that precise moment. 

If you have been following along on this little blog, you may have picked up on the fact that my boy’s summer vacation is not exactly a vacation for me. I hear other mothers heralding the start of summer, no more school worries, lazy days by the pool, multiple fabulous trips with the family..how wonderful for them. I am in the other group, the ones who slog off to work every single day, hoping their hormonely  confused teen and preteen sons don’t kill each other or burn the house down cooking their ramen noodles. Don’t forget to let the dogs out and in, remember to shut the refrigerator door…etc. You get the not so perfect picture. It’s right about this time every year that I rue the fact that I didn’t pursue a teaching career, Facebook is full of my teacher friends sharing their summer adventures, and lamenting every sunset that brings them closer to their jobs…boo hoo.  But, then I remember that I would probably have lost my teaching job by now, because surely I would have slapped a kid or a parent by now..so choosing nursing was best. We always win the battle with a belligerent patient at work..it’s called general anesthesia, works wonders. So, the summer belches along, highs and lows marking the timeline. This weekend , the needle is most definitely hitting the “ding!ding!ding!” on the  Tessie Mood Meter, for I have been gloriously abandoned.   

Listening to the men pack this morning from my supine position under the comforter was interesting. I tried very hard to not supervise, but I knew not one of them would bring a toothbrush or a bar of soap if I didn’t croak out the reminder. I implored Joe to feed them at regular intervals ,as their bowl of Cheerios wouldn’t last until 7pm tonight, and the mood swings would destroy their fun, and truthfully, I was fearing a “I’ll turn this bus around and head home ” in the car moment if moods went south..thus destroying, *gasp*, the me, myself and I weekend I have planned. I did run a hairbrush out to the van before they pulled away as one last dedicated act of motherhood, and saw it unceremoniously tossed in the back, “here guys, Mom thinks you’re going to brush your hair, hahaha!”. I’m sure I will be picking that brush up Monday, right where it landed. Honestly guys, I would never utter this aloud, but I don’t really care if you even wipe yourselves this weekend, scratch and burp away, good on ya!  Momma just punched out.

Oh, where to begin? This uninterrupted blogging was a lovely start. There’s also something about using the powder room bathroom with the door open that is very liberating too, if not confusing for my Labs..with the “what in the hell are you doing in our water bowl?”  looks on their faces. MY music blasting from the ipod, dancing and singing in the living room, Feeding MYSELF whatever and whenever I want. A long walk.  A long bubble bath, a cliche that never fails,  with a book. Kicking the dogs off the “good” couch, turning the cushions over to the guest side, and sprawling there…the possibilities are vast. 

Oh, and the best part of all of a ME weekend?  The moment when they return, and I see a glimpse of the  little boys in them that they once were..the unrestrained smiles, fleeting as they are now, when they first see me.  It is an expression that can’t be faked, and I know it well. It is the same expression I use to see every day at school pick-up or when i arrived home from work, two little boys rushing the front door, so happy to see me, arms outstretched, me lifting them off the ground for huge hugs. Oh, crap, I miss them already.