I think everyone knows that I love Joe. My family and friends have always known..and now, thanks to the World -Wide web, bored researchers in the Antarctica know too. A great guy, a good man, a hard worker, a loving father…a man I want to kill in a plumbing crisis.
Like the one we are having right now, like this instant, in the middle of the night , a plumber is here sawing into my ceiling.
We sprung a leak.
I arrived home to my son doing a preemptive strike at the front door..”there’s water coming through the ceiling…try not to piss Dad off”. Normally, I would have corrected his language..but the boy knows his Dad. Thanks son..now out of my way so I can go throw some wood on the fire.
We don’t do this little misadventures in home ownership very well. It is our marital Achilles heel..and since we are coming up on our Silver Anniversary, I would say there is no hope for improvement.
“WHAT’S GOING ON?!” I yelled at the frantic figure of Joe racing around the living room. He calmly (not) responded “WHAT DO YOU THINK? WE HAVE A LEAK!” He declared our week ruined, our weekend plans ruined, everything ruined..and we hadn’t even called the plumber yet. “CALL THE FREAKING PLUMBER!..WHY ARE RUNNING AROUND? CALL THE PLUMBER NOOOOW..GIVE ME THE PHONE!!” Oh. yeah, we are a well oiled team here. A plumber was contacted..two hours later in a house with no water, no plumber. Three desperate calls later, (including one to a guy who’s name I had scratched on a scrap piece of paper a year ago because I thought he was cute – he was no longer a plumber I found, but a cop. I told him to stand by, because I might kill my husband before the night was through) and my runner-up plumber Darryl promised to arrive sometime in the next four hours. It was already past my bedtime when we called.
We continued to pour kerosene all over the crisis until Darryl arrived. Sweet Darryl. Super Darryl. Darryl who is firing up a blow torch as I type in the middle of the night..soldering my pipes back together…restoring order to our dysfunctional evening.
I think I saw Joe smile a minute ago.
I’m going to make myself scarce when the bill appears..got some serious toilet flushing to do.